i just added my chinese name on my fb profile. and that was because i can't type down chinese character from my laptop nor my phone, so i asked pa to send my name in my inbox then copied it.
i hadn't got a chance, for 20 years of my life, to really search for my chinese name meaning. from what i had heard, mine was derived from a king's favorite, a very beautiful woman. my grandpa gave it to me because pa couldn't stop saying that i was really cute whenever someone asked him about his baby girl. but, what made me curious was the fact that i hardly found out about her. i mean, i read a lot of chinese legend books, chinese culinary history books, and when i went to china for trip..she also didn't included in 7 most beautiful women in china history.
and then this evening i copied the chinese character and found a link from wikipedia. guess what? i found out something..weird. i was my grandpa's favorite granddaughter after all and from all name in the world, he chose that name. there i stared and read all those things written in wikipedia about the devilish (if she wasn't the devil itself) lovely lady. she was king's favorite concubine ( not a princess, not a queen. but that's not the shocking part, my ma already felt discomfort a bit because she heard the fact when i was a baby, but it was too late) and it's said that she was the reason behind the shang dinasty downfall. other quick fact: she loves to see other people suffering (well, actually i'm simplified the horror whole stories, so if you have a chance or you really want to know, just copy and paste my chinese name, i haven't erased it on my profile).
for me, it didn't make me sad, i just felt the disappointment. not more than that. i mean, i believe my grandpa give it for a reason and that nothing in this world named coincidence. somehow, i felt that finally i found out the dark side of my name, the one that is contradictory to my legal name that's really angelic (sometimes, i feel it's too angelic it doesn't suit me or i actually don't deserve it).
the reactions from my parents were so different from me. my ma, after reading the full article, forbid me to post its link or write about this (i do it anyway, sorry ma), or tell others. and then she told pa, and then pa read the full article..the same reaction was repeated again. pa, neglecting the fact that i had had that name from 'my cuteness' when i was baby, started to questioning whether my grandpa hadn't mistakenly given me the misspelled last character, because pa told us he ever knew a chinese poet with same pronunciation as my name with different spelling.
i don't know if it's going to happen or not..but they had short discussion to change my last character in my chinese name..javanese people may call it 'ruwatan', to change your name so you can get better fate. lol.
i get a little sad thinking about that, since i've learned so hard to, at least, can write down my own chinese name. it was that hard..pa had forced me to repeat it again and again, long before i learned super basic chinese in my high school time. i scribbled those 3 characters all over my books, papers, photos, everywhere..that name has been a part of my history of life.
ah, i must get back to my discussion note again.
so, see you soon?
P.S: 6 days until our farewell.
lauretta.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
update on the trio!
sorry, got to go so soon..it's after committee party at lesehan gurame, farrell's mom resto, with ECDYSIS committee~write soon, okay.
lauretta.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
pictures edition
i took pics around me recently, think i'm gonna share them in this post. enjoy!
sushi tei dessert! taken on sunday lunch with parents.
white water lily at carina sayang I public pool. taken yesterday.
magenta water lily, full bloom, in front of someone's house at carina sayang I. taken yesterday.
messy room caused by hectic studying last night- this morning for mid test.
afian's teddy phone chain, kristi's valentine present.
afian hand. read what's written there. the pic describes itself.
my lacerated foot.
close-up crown part of my wall drawing.
i'm done with this one, already lost my passion in this pic.
started to draw new pics on other part.
not done yet. ^^
messy room caused by hectic studying last night- this morning for mid test.
afian's teddy phone chain, kristi's valentine present.
afian hand. read what's written there. the pic describes itself.
my lacerated foot.
close-up crown part of my wall drawing.
i'm done with this one, already lost my passion in this pic.
started to draw new pics on other part.
not done yet. ^^
other posting to come soon.
lauretta.
Monday, February 21, 2011
michael
hey, michael.
it's been a long time since the last time i heard from you.
it's been a long time since we met your mother.
since she asked what happened?
and it feels like thousand years, we've been too far.
why.
it was like..one day we are brother and sister.
kept each other.
share stories, grew up together.
and then the next day we became strangers
we used to text with our way, with too shortened words.
no need to worry, we already understood.
now, you write complete word, a short line.
now i write polite reply, a simple answer.
everything has changed.
the bond.
the happy times.
the affection we once shared together.
they said they couldn't imagine
a relationship like us,
they got jealous,
one time because you were too close to me,
the other time because i was always with you.
it was funny.
i had never imagined that someday something would tear us apart.
i thought we would be together, come to each other wedding party, keep our friendship until we close our eyes forever.
if i meet you again, will it be the same?
i'm so afraid
we lost almost 3 years
you've grown up so fast
heard the story, they said you had lots of achievements
i'm proud of you, really.
you're no longer need me beside you
no one will scold you for doing something bad
no one will try to give you 'silly motherly advices'
no one will help you eat your extra lunch when you can't eat all of it
no one will accompany and being accompanied for hours by phone until your mother cut the wire(lol, that's unforgettable, really)
because you already a man.
hey michael, i'll be forever praying for you.
i will never stop being your sister at heart.
lauretta.
it's been a long time since the last time i heard from you.
it's been a long time since we met your mother.
since she asked what happened?
and it feels like thousand years, we've been too far.
why.
it was like..one day we are brother and sister.
kept each other.
share stories, grew up together.
and then the next day we became strangers
we used to text with our way, with too shortened words.
no need to worry, we already understood.
now, you write complete word, a short line.
now i write polite reply, a simple answer.
everything has changed.
the bond.
the happy times.
the affection we once shared together.
they said they couldn't imagine
a relationship like us,
they got jealous,
one time because you were too close to me,
the other time because i was always with you.
it was funny.
i had never imagined that someday something would tear us apart.
i thought we would be together, come to each other wedding party, keep our friendship until we close our eyes forever.
if i meet you again, will it be the same?
i'm so afraid
we lost almost 3 years
you've grown up so fast
heard the story, they said you had lots of achievements
i'm proud of you, really.
you're no longer need me beside you
no one will scold you for doing something bad
no one will try to give you 'silly motherly advices'
no one will help you eat your extra lunch when you can't eat all of it
no one will accompany and being accompanied for hours by phone until your mother cut the wire(lol, that's unforgettable, really)
because you already a man.
hey michael, i'll be forever praying for you.
i will never stop being your sister at heart.
lauretta.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
cheating
i believe all of us have been cheating once in a while, or have been trying to, or have involved in one. the description below i got from merriam-webster:
yeah, so what? go ahead and reread the third definition in second part, the last one. okay, so that kind of cheating has been an issue i'd get used to. it's not like i agree with cheating, i totally against it.
i've been hurt by it, i've been torn by it, i've been half-alive by it. the worst thing was, sorry, is i had to act like i never feel it. and the funny part is i can do it well, act like it's nothing. pretend that it happened to someone else but me, pretend..pretend..even i, who had been taught to be honest can be a good liar (considering my 'glass face', it's really an achievement).
i try to forget it, but it left me a big bold scar deep inside my heart. sometimes, when i let my mind travels away, i feel the aching sensation and suddenly i want to cry.
yet, i won't deny that i ever tried to cheat and that it was...adventurous. but like all bad things, the damn good sensation never last long. and so it was. i won't try to rewrite my history, but i promise not to do it again. because, in the end, it hurt anyone, included me, the cheater. no matter how much i make excuses (like, i wasn't in so-called-relationship), i always know that i meant it.
recently (remember when i wrote that i had so much in my mind?), i've been..forced to involve in this fishy issue. i'm not going to tell the story here, privacy matters (yes, i crossed the line while i tried to save myself, but that's..so stupid of me and i've apologized to person connected to it). let's say i'm a cameo there, walking away and got captured to complete the story. of course, i didn't like it, i asked my friend for an advice and end up being the 'bad person'. geez..i wish i were more clever so i could just shut my mouth. but, in the other hand, i know that if i placed in the same condition again, i will just do the same (using a more proper way of telling of course). i hate watching someone get cheated by someone's important for him/her and i hate if knowing that i'm one of the 'object' (victim of trial, whatever you call it).
a reminder, wasn't it?
a true reminder stroke me just now.
it tells me not to re-believe, to remember the pain tattooed in my heart.
tells me not to hope too high that someday i can let go the mask and being real me, without getting afraid people know that i hide something.
who says i made my own tragedy?
who says i pull myself into sadness for my own satisfaction?
it's not a choice.
you try, if you dare being me.
lauretta.
cheating verb \ˈchēt\transitive verb1: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud2: to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice3: to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting (cheat death)
intransitive verb1a : to practice fraud or trickery b : to violate rules dishonestly (cheat at cards) (cheating on a test)2: to be sexually unfaithful —usually used with on cheating on his wife)— cheat·er noun3: to position oneself defensively near a particular area in anticipation of a play in that area cheating toward second base>
yeah, so what? go ahead and reread the third definition in second part, the last one. okay, so that kind of cheating has been an issue i'd get used to. it's not like i agree with cheating, i totally against it.
i've been hurt by it, i've been torn by it, i've been half-alive by it. the worst thing was, sorry, is i had to act like i never feel it. and the funny part is i can do it well, act like it's nothing. pretend that it happened to someone else but me, pretend..pretend..even i, who had been taught to be honest can be a good liar (considering my 'glass face', it's really an achievement).
i try to forget it, but it left me a big bold scar deep inside my heart. sometimes, when i let my mind travels away, i feel the aching sensation and suddenly i want to cry.
yet, i won't deny that i ever tried to cheat and that it was...adventurous. but like all bad things, the damn good sensation never last long. and so it was. i won't try to rewrite my history, but i promise not to do it again. because, in the end, it hurt anyone, included me, the cheater. no matter how much i make excuses (like, i wasn't in so-called-relationship), i always know that i meant it.
recently (remember when i wrote that i had so much in my mind?), i've been..forced to involve in this fishy issue. i'm not going to tell the story here, privacy matters (yes, i crossed the line while i tried to save myself, but that's..so stupid of me and i've apologized to person connected to it). let's say i'm a cameo there, walking away and got captured to complete the story. of course, i didn't like it, i asked my friend for an advice and end up being the 'bad person'. geez..i wish i were more clever so i could just shut my mouth. but, in the other hand, i know that if i placed in the same condition again, i will just do the same (using a more proper way of telling of course). i hate watching someone get cheated by someone's important for him/her and i hate if knowing that i'm one of the 'object' (victim of trial, whatever you call it).
a reminder, wasn't it?
a true reminder stroke me just now.
it tells me not to re-believe, to remember the pain tattooed in my heart.
tells me not to hope too high that someday i can let go the mask and being real me, without getting afraid people know that i hide something.
who says i made my own tragedy?
who says i pull myself into sadness for my own satisfaction?
it's not a choice.
you try, if you dare being me.
lauretta.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
home wi-fi is awesome!
hello, it's already february 19th..geez..i accompany, oops, no, i stay up and study while pa's trying to install the new antivirus in my laptop. i'm so sleepy! i write this via my handphone, just so you know, the new wi-fi in my house is really something! and i just watched video on youtube by phone for the first time since i owned it. ah, will catch up with some stories later, i'm not alert enough to write properly. okay, goodnite!
lauretta.
lauretta.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
a little addition
i just had a little time to visit my rent room because i decided to go back to my home. i didn't take the drawing progress, sorry..i only added a little, the filling for the 'crown part'. the pic above is the wall behind my bed. i couldn't wait to write it down. it's a quotation from my favorite anime, Evangelion.
this is the actual screen shot i took from someone's blog. i already forgot, but they said it was said by one of the character named ikari yui, the main character's lost mother.may this be the remainder, so i can always smile at the storm and fight with all i have.
lauretta.
P.S: i'll write more soon..i..currently having a problem. it's actually not my problem, but it became my problem too. well, soon okay..
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
14.02.2011
ouch, again, i skipped a day..i thought i would post my update yesterday, but somehow i managed to sleep like a bear. forgot about anything and keep on zzzz~
well, yesterday was a tough day for me. on 13th, i didn't get enough sleep and i stayed awake until about 4 in the morning (the 14th) just to wake up on 6 o'clock. eww..and my mood had gone down like crazy. plus..the discussion lecture was soo annoying, just like the first meeting!! idk what made her really love to criticize us, eventough we already discussed the right things and covered the goals? hm..hm..maybe she just got the same bad mood like me toward the 14th? lol.
yesterday was a day like hell..i'd expected the flowery and chocolate views everywhere, but then i think i wasn't that ready to face them. all the 'awwwww...this is a chocolate for youuu! happy valentine's day!' and the written messages all over my homepage in fb like, 'happy valentine's day..may all..*blahblahblah*' honestly, i thought i suffered what the textbook from psychiatric module talk about: the feeling of doom. no, i'm not exaggerating..it was that bad. i walked in my campus at half past eight and i ran into discussion room ( nobody has come yet, but my room already lighted), opened my obstetric book, and started reading. after the discussion had ended, i went to class room and i felt like i wanted to run away. it was unbearable. GOD knows i feel really sorry right now since i did rude thing to one of my friend who tried to give me his hand and said 'happy valentine'. i looked at him and said, 'sorry, i don't celebrate it'.
maybe it's just me who didn't feel the spirit of valentine's day..because my friends seemed so excited about it. my friend, reza, baked banana muffins yesterday, idk if it was because valentine's or not, since he loves baking cake and stuffs. and because it's me, i wouldn't say no to be a tester even in my bad mood. hahaha..XD
here's the pic (when i wanted to take a pic, i'd just realized that i hadn't put back the memory card to my digicam, so i made it with my phone). a bit of bitter taste when i first bit it, he said maybe it's because the crumbles were overdone..but i thought the crumbles actually taste good and it's clever to put pie crust as crumbles. overall, i prefer his apple pie. hahaha..he can make a tasty one. come to think of it, i have lots of friends, which are boys, who can cook well. why can't i? hmm..
the funny sight yesterday was afian gesture when he was going to give me choco chip cookies! such a rare thing. being his close friend for about 2.5 years always make me feel surprise and laugh a lot from time to time. he's so innocent, like a sweet little boy! nicho also gave me choco candy. the most adorable gift came from kristi, it's a personalized package contains of fluffy bunny head key chain, marshmallows, choco candies, and 2 letters. it's just like her.
envy me, i have great people around me (but i'm bad one). =D
getting old(er) is a bad thing, i feel like getting tired easier. still can't imagine i was taking a nap, overtime until i woke up again around 1 in the morning...aaaw..and i still had short naps after that. 3 to 4, 7 to 9, and the last one was 12 to 1 at noon. bad news is, i feel like sleeping again right now..>___<
lauretta.
well, yesterday was a tough day for me. on 13th, i didn't get enough sleep and i stayed awake until about 4 in the morning (the 14th) just to wake up on 6 o'clock. eww..and my mood had gone down like crazy. plus..the discussion lecture was soo annoying, just like the first meeting!! idk what made her really love to criticize us, eventough we already discussed the right things and covered the goals? hm..hm..maybe she just got the same bad mood like me toward the 14th? lol.
yesterday was a day like hell..i'd expected the flowery and chocolate views everywhere, but then i think i wasn't that ready to face them. all the 'awwwww...this is a chocolate for youuu! happy valentine's day!' and the written messages all over my homepage in fb like, 'happy valentine's day..may all..*blahblahblah*' honestly, i thought i suffered what the textbook from psychiatric module talk about: the feeling of doom. no, i'm not exaggerating..it was that bad. i walked in my campus at half past eight and i ran into discussion room ( nobody has come yet, but my room already lighted), opened my obstetric book, and started reading. after the discussion had ended, i went to class room and i felt like i wanted to run away. it was unbearable. GOD knows i feel really sorry right now since i did rude thing to one of my friend who tried to give me his hand and said 'happy valentine'. i looked at him and said, 'sorry, i don't celebrate it'.
maybe it's just me who didn't feel the spirit of valentine's day..because my friends seemed so excited about it. my friend, reza, baked banana muffins yesterday, idk if it was because valentine's or not, since he loves baking cake and stuffs. and because it's me, i wouldn't say no to be a tester even in my bad mood. hahaha..XD
here's the pic (when i wanted to take a pic, i'd just realized that i hadn't put back the memory card to my digicam, so i made it with my phone). a bit of bitter taste when i first bit it, he said maybe it's because the crumbles were overdone..but i thought the crumbles actually taste good and it's clever to put pie crust as crumbles. overall, i prefer his apple pie. hahaha..he can make a tasty one. come to think of it, i have lots of friends, which are boys, who can cook well. why can't i? hmm..the funny sight yesterday was afian gesture when he was going to give me choco chip cookies! such a rare thing. being his close friend for about 2.5 years always make me feel surprise and laugh a lot from time to time. he's so innocent, like a sweet little boy! nicho also gave me choco candy. the most adorable gift came from kristi, it's a personalized package contains of fluffy bunny head key chain, marshmallows, choco candies, and 2 letters. it's just like her.
envy me, i have great people around me (but i'm bad one). =Dgetting old(er) is a bad thing, i feel like getting tired easier. still can't imagine i was taking a nap, overtime until i woke up again around 1 in the morning...aaaw..and i still had short naps after that. 3 to 4, 7 to 9, and the last one was 12 to 1 at noon. bad news is, i feel like sleeping again right now..>___<
lauretta.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
just a pic that suits my mood today
it feels high, it feels lonely
hey people
why do you look so happy?
you're having a feast i see
dance, shout, laugh a lot
happy face, happy mask blend it hot
doesn't it feel so right?
because this is the night
ecstatic, orgasmic, just name it
romantic, fantastic, just say it
please go ahead
before i wither
while my heart still flutter
it's a sensation i've been dreaming of
just go ahead and strip me
find my heart strings
and rip me
pull, pull, pull it through
like crazy like one
like no one has done
lauretta.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
look at me
look at me, see the real me, say that i'm different, say that i am special.
those phrases keep looping in my mind since..i can't remember since when. it's been too long.
when i was admitted to playgroup, i entered the 1 year-older's because i was too obsessed with the idea of 'going to school' when my age hadn't enough yet. there, i have a friend..he is my 'first silly love', you know, person whom you shared a moment of 'he is my husband/ she is my wife' when you were a kid. he is my ma's friend's son and i often spent times with him playing at my home. i demanded the same attention from him when we went to school and kept asking him to play with me. but his friend didn't like me, so his friend and i often involved in fight.
when i entered kindergarten, i want the teachers to notice me. it's not like i wasn't noticeable or too gloomy to be seen, but i want to be teacher's pet, unfortunately no matter how hard i struggled, i've never been 'the one'. i got striking pain when theirs did something bad to me and did nothing. i think they thought me an annoying kid who loves to say bad things about his/her friends.
i spent the latter times with struggle and fight to make people see me. and all i've got was early realization of the world. the world is fake, we all know that. everyone's gonna have to take a mask or two and if you want to be recognized, if you want people to appreciate you, you must start it with a mask. mask...in other words (in harsh words) just lick it! can you imagine that thought came to a girl in early elementary school age? that's devastating. when all i want is fairy tales and a little bit of spotlight, i got the 'hidden message'. i try my best while trying with all my might not to go to far, to keep real, to be a good person like my ma wants me to.
then i failed. i lost in my journey.
still in my elementary school time, i used to join the language competitions (this i meant bahasa indonesia) and won the prizes, something that makes me smile up until now. i loves reading, i loves writing. writing (poem, because i couldn't write short story without make people get confused) used to be my escape when i'm too stressed out. i said 'used to be' because i'm no longer posses same passion. when i was little girl i believed that someday i'm gonna have my own book and people will like it, they're gonna praise it and i'll be famous for it. i, innocently, was trying to send a copy or two of my poem (i wrote them in books, so it's quite organized) via e-mail to many poem book publishers, i was proudly boasting to my best friend that i'm going to be a well-known writer because i was too sure of myself. some of them replied and said to me politely that they're not interested, some of them gave me nothing.
it broke my heart and i felt so ashamed. so i stopped to hope, i wrote for myself, i was writing less and less.
i was trying to be a president of my junior high student council, each year i applied for it and each year i failed to make it come true. my second year there (the first year student is not allowed to apply), i know many of them didn't believe in me, especially the seniors. up until now i can't understand why they decided not to like me after they looked at me. the third year, i got laughed by same year friends. i deserved it. i didn't learn. i thought if they saw i had lots of achievement, they would choose me. i was totally wrong. they said i was a snob, they said it's so funny to look that i even wrote down that i'd been a winner in swimming competition when i was 6. the fact that the spotlight taken by my boyfriend that time eased my pain, a little.
my senior high was gave me a little satisfaction and regret. true that i've been the most well-known sci-class student among my friends (i don't claim for it, okay, it's written in my school yearbook), but sadly i spent too much time trying to be noticeable by everyone and neglected the need to have my 'circle'. when we went to university, everybody held meet-ups with their own circles and left me alone.
i'm in university, i tried to do my best without too much masks, without too much everything in 2.5 years. now it's my third year, i hope i can change. i hope i'll be noticeable for who i am. that somehow finally someone realize the gift i have (that i, myself, can't imagine one right now. pathetic).
too dreamy, eh? yeah, it sounds too dreamy for me too. too far away from reality. haha..i'm a realist who's trying so hard to claim and to believe herself as a dreamer. how bad is that? irony smells awfully sweet, don't you agree? maybe it's because i have too much affairs with books. they're my drugs, my escapes.
P.S: this is one of the posts i promised to write about.
P.S.S : i'm not whining, i just try to be honest.
lauretta.
those phrases keep looping in my mind since..i can't remember since when. it's been too long.
when i was admitted to playgroup, i entered the 1 year-older's because i was too obsessed with the idea of 'going to school' when my age hadn't enough yet. there, i have a friend..he is my 'first silly love', you know, person whom you shared a moment of 'he is my husband/ she is my wife' when you were a kid. he is my ma's friend's son and i often spent times with him playing at my home. i demanded the same attention from him when we went to school and kept asking him to play with me. but his friend didn't like me, so his friend and i often involved in fight.
when i entered kindergarten, i want the teachers to notice me. it's not like i wasn't noticeable or too gloomy to be seen, but i want to be teacher's pet, unfortunately no matter how hard i struggled, i've never been 'the one'. i got striking pain when theirs did something bad to me and did nothing. i think they thought me an annoying kid who loves to say bad things about his/her friends.
i spent the latter times with struggle and fight to make people see me. and all i've got was early realization of the world. the world is fake, we all know that. everyone's gonna have to take a mask or two and if you want to be recognized, if you want people to appreciate you, you must start it with a mask. mask...in other words (in harsh words) just lick it! can you imagine that thought came to a girl in early elementary school age? that's devastating. when all i want is fairy tales and a little bit of spotlight, i got the 'hidden message'. i try my best while trying with all my might not to go to far, to keep real, to be a good person like my ma wants me to.
then i failed. i lost in my journey.
still in my elementary school time, i used to join the language competitions (this i meant bahasa indonesia) and won the prizes, something that makes me smile up until now. i loves reading, i loves writing. writing (poem, because i couldn't write short story without make people get confused) used to be my escape when i'm too stressed out. i said 'used to be' because i'm no longer posses same passion. when i was little girl i believed that someday i'm gonna have my own book and people will like it, they're gonna praise it and i'll be famous for it. i, innocently, was trying to send a copy or two of my poem (i wrote them in books, so it's quite organized) via e-mail to many poem book publishers, i was proudly boasting to my best friend that i'm going to be a well-known writer because i was too sure of myself. some of them replied and said to me politely that they're not interested, some of them gave me nothing.
it broke my heart and i felt so ashamed. so i stopped to hope, i wrote for myself, i was writing less and less.
i was trying to be a president of my junior high student council, each year i applied for it and each year i failed to make it come true. my second year there (the first year student is not allowed to apply), i know many of them didn't believe in me, especially the seniors. up until now i can't understand why they decided not to like me after they looked at me. the third year, i got laughed by same year friends. i deserved it. i didn't learn. i thought if they saw i had lots of achievement, they would choose me. i was totally wrong. they said i was a snob, they said it's so funny to look that i even wrote down that i'd been a winner in swimming competition when i was 6. the fact that the spotlight taken by my boyfriend that time eased my pain, a little.
my senior high was gave me a little satisfaction and regret. true that i've been the most well-known sci-class student among my friends (i don't claim for it, okay, it's written in my school yearbook), but sadly i spent too much time trying to be noticeable by everyone and neglected the need to have my 'circle'. when we went to university, everybody held meet-ups with their own circles and left me alone.
i'm in university, i tried to do my best without too much masks, without too much everything in 2.5 years. now it's my third year, i hope i can change. i hope i'll be noticeable for who i am. that somehow finally someone realize the gift i have (that i, myself, can't imagine one right now. pathetic).
too dreamy, eh? yeah, it sounds too dreamy for me too. too far away from reality. haha..i'm a realist who's trying so hard to claim and to believe herself as a dreamer. how bad is that? irony smells awfully sweet, don't you agree? maybe it's because i have too much affairs with books. they're my drugs, my escapes.
P.S: this is one of the posts i promised to write about.
P.S.S : i'm not whining, i just try to be honest.
lauretta.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
the drawing continued
hello...
i skipped posting yesterday. i was trying to guess what's today's discussion topic so i read what i could and i didn't turn on my laptop for a day.
today i woke up with bad mood and i became so annoying. fortunately it already ceased a lot when i turned up at campus. and it went away when i got back to my room! nice things happen today. we already contact dr. shinta (finally, after more than 1 hour searching and waiting and being super annoying by called her via the hospital's phone) and she agreed to accompany our lovely prof. mailangkay on our seminar day (it's for my scientific writing with neri, ours is 'the effect of contact lens using to dry eye'---is it correct? i mean, the english? because i freely translated it. hehe).
i supposed to go out and watch movies with kristi after today's lecture, but because searching for the doctor was hard, then i canceled it. i managed to continue the drawing..and today i took my pic while i was doing it.
an intermezzo..you see the mess on my bed? can you imagine how i 'struggle' to sleep? lol. i'm too lazy to move them out. beside, it's much more easier and faster to grab one of those books when i get up (now i sound like a freaky nerdy).
and looked what i've done! i knew it, i ruin things easily, so i bought one extra! this is snowman huge black permanent marker i'm using to draw the bold lines and do the filling. the top is the new one, while the lower one is the one i broke. i didn't remember exactly when...but it looked like the marker's tip was going down and down until it sank in its tube. i've tried my best to pull it out (using scissors, the only thing in my room that has the shape i need), but guess what, i made it went deeper. no other place match for it, none except my trash bin.
this one is 'zai' black permanent marker with fine tip, i'm using it to draw the detail and when i'm not patient enough to change the marker when i do the filling. =P
got tired drawing. i think it's all i can do for today. gonna fill the crown part soon. ^0^ so happy i've gone this far.
will update you with my story. i hope i can have best time to write the 'flashback part' i want.
lauretta.
i skipped posting yesterday. i was trying to guess what's today's discussion topic so i read what i could and i didn't turn on my laptop for a day.
today i woke up with bad mood and i became so annoying. fortunately it already ceased a lot when i turned up at campus. and it went away when i got back to my room! nice things happen today. we already contact dr. shinta (finally, after more than 1 hour searching and waiting and being super annoying by called her via the hospital's phone) and she agreed to accompany our lovely prof. mailangkay on our seminar day (it's for my scientific writing with neri, ours is 'the effect of contact lens using to dry eye'---is it correct? i mean, the english? because i freely translated it. hehe).
i supposed to go out and watch movies with kristi after today's lecture, but because searching for the doctor was hard, then i canceled it. i managed to continue the drawing..and today i took my pic while i was doing it.
an intermezzo..you see the mess on my bed? can you imagine how i 'struggle' to sleep? lol. i'm too lazy to move them out. beside, it's much more easier and faster to grab one of those books when i get up (now i sound like a freaky nerdy).
and looked what i've done! i knew it, i ruin things easily, so i bought one extra! this is snowman huge black permanent marker i'm using to draw the bold lines and do the filling. the top is the new one, while the lower one is the one i broke. i didn't remember exactly when...but it looked like the marker's tip was going down and down until it sank in its tube. i've tried my best to pull it out (using scissors, the only thing in my room that has the shape i need), but guess what, i made it went deeper. no other place match for it, none except my trash bin.
this one is 'zai' black permanent marker with fine tip, i'm using it to draw the detail and when i'm not patient enough to change the marker when i do the filling. =P
got tired drawing. i think it's all i can do for today. gonna fill the crown part soon. ^0^ so happy i've gone this far.will update you with my story. i hope i can have best time to write the 'flashback part' i want.
lauretta.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
i am solemnly swear that i'm up to no good...
remember those words? the key to 'open up' the marauder's map in harry potter, that's true..
before i forget, let's add one more thing in my wish list!
i went to emporium, a mall in front of my campus with my friend, kristi, then i remember about the last one!
it is HIGH HEELS, my friends!
yes, yes, the seventh is high heels. i wanna buy and learn to wear it, hope i can spare some of my hongbao money. ;) finger crossed! ( mmh..i have re-thought about using the 500 thousand, i haven't add the OSCE -- lab practical test-- remedial to my list of debit, i won't let my parents pay it for me because i really think it's my big, big failure ).
tee hee..
oh, and i did something no good..that i've written in today's early morning wish list: drawing my rent room wall. i bought the permanent markers, two types of tip and doing the 'no good' thing this evening for about 2 hours until i dropped down and got some sleep.
the sketching, no, drawing..er..okay, let's just say it as the big picture, because i can't and didn't do sketching. i drew them right away. please ignore the mini board on the right side, that's my mini random board in my rent room and i haven't update it for almost one year or so.
did the 'filling'. i usually draw this kind of pic when i have lots of spare time or when i get bored anytime, anywhere (most of the time, when i get bored listening to the lecturer. i'm not a good student, i know).
just in case you wanna know the size of the drawing, just see the pic above. oh, and say hello to my giant bear, one-eye-tibby! C=
after the moment i took the drawing pic above, i got some sleep...
and i continued the drawing after i got up. i know i musn't did that. i haven't re-read about today's lecture and tomorrow's (not because i'm a nice student, but the fact that the lecturers of recent modules are...quite confusing or too smart, then i think i must do something to SOS). as you can see, it hasn't completed yet. gotta continue the drawing project soon! haha..i'm looking forward to it.
enough for today, i guess..
time for my duty as a student.
have a good night. ;)
lauretta.
before i forget, let's add one more thing in my wish list!
i went to emporium, a mall in front of my campus with my friend, kristi, then i remember about the last one!
it is HIGH HEELS, my friends!
yes, yes, the seventh is high heels. i wanna buy and learn to wear it, hope i can spare some of my hongbao money. ;) finger crossed! ( mmh..i have re-thought about using the 500 thousand, i haven't add the OSCE -- lab practical test-- remedial to my list of debit, i won't let my parents pay it for me because i really think it's my big, big failure ).
tee hee..
oh, and i did something no good..that i've written in today's early morning wish list: drawing my rent room wall. i bought the permanent markers, two types of tip and doing the 'no good' thing this evening for about 2 hours until i dropped down and got some sleep.
the sketching, no, drawing..er..okay, let's just say it as the big picture, because i can't and didn't do sketching. i drew them right away. please ignore the mini board on the right side, that's my mini random board in my rent room and i haven't update it for almost one year or so.
did the 'filling'. i usually draw this kind of pic when i have lots of spare time or when i get bored anytime, anywhere (most of the time, when i get bored listening to the lecturer. i'm not a good student, i know).
just in case you wanna know the size of the drawing, just see the pic above. oh, and say hello to my giant bear, one-eye-tibby! C=
after the moment i took the drawing pic above, i got some sleep...
and i continued the drawing after i got up. i know i musn't did that. i haven't re-read about today's lecture and tomorrow's (not because i'm a nice student, but the fact that the lecturers of recent modules are...quite confusing or too smart, then i think i must do something to SOS). as you can see, it hasn't completed yet. gotta continue the drawing project soon! haha..i'm looking forward to it.
enough for today, i guess..
time for my duty as a student.
have a good night. ;)
lauretta.
a wish list
i know i'm going to be 21 and i supposed to maintain myself well, but oh crap...i have a long wish list this year to be fulfilled.
last year i don't have one single request, so my parents decided to give me these 6 gold thin bracelets.
i know they're not that shiny expensive gold bracelets, they even get twisted easily (my ma, patiently, reshapes them again every once in weeks). but i appreciate them more than people can imagine. i couldn't stand to use any kind of hand accessories before, but i thought i need to wear them everytime. when i was having my practical test, i keep them in my pocket so i can feel my parents presents with me.
if you haven't know, i'm indonesian and i come from a family with chinese blood line, so no wonder we still celebrate chinese new year. as we all know, last week is the beginning of the new lunar year, it's rabbit year. idk in other places, but i almost sure that chinese new year has been strongly related to the red envelope, the angpao or hongbao, especially for us, the singles. this year, mine's sum is going down, worst than last year. i know it musn't be a big deal, but this year i depend on them to help me in my fast-growing wish list.
so here we go, my wish list (not in order):
1. fujifilm instax
i was browsing in an online store in facebook, fuji usa web, and photography bay.
instax is polaroid camera. the available types are 210 wide, 50 s, 25, and the popular 7s. i have cut down the choices. i won't buy 210 wide, i think, since it's big and quite heavy (consider that it makes the wider pics). i was attracted to the 50s firstly, but after that i saw the special edition 7s in white color! it's cute too. andddd...it hasn't ended yet! i read the 25 review, they said this type is the newest and, indirectly, indicate that it's the most well-developed right now. oh, and one thing, i thought it's the polaroid film that will cost me a lot, i was wrong. the camera is expensive too. special edition 7s package (include 1 strap, 2 frame, 1 sticker, and wood clip) is Rp 1, 050, 000. 00 and the. 25 package is sold at Rp 1, 500, 000.00.
dare i to buy the instax? i'm so afraid this is just my euphoric-state that won't last longer (i get bored easily, note that).
2. canon selphy photo printer
yes, it's again about pics and photos. nowadays, everything goes online, right? and me too, got lazy just to go to print my pics in store. i'm thinking of having my own photo printer, but..........i'm afraid that i'll get bored after a while (i don't believe in gadget-appetite, it can't last long, special case is my canon ixus digicam--she is the only exception for me). CP 780 and CP 790 are the types i'm interested in. i read the review and i think it will be better to buy CP 790. saying that say 'there's a price, there's quality' is true, my dear, i looked for their price and they have big difference, for about 500 thousands. unfortunately, it's the one i want that has the higher price.
3. apple i-phone
and NERV casing (i wish! lol).
this one i can't buy myself for sure. it's too, too, too expensive!!! i'm craving for this one, but i dare not to say it to pa. well, i've ever mentioned about the gadget, of course, but i didn't want to ask him to buy me. to give you the reason i want this one is that..i need to be more connected without being annoyed. BlackBerry is clearly not in my list, it's the thing that i hate, sorry to say, i got offended by the behavior of people using it. the way they bbm-ing all over the time and neglect their real world. it's just sad to see the picture that has been depicted in wall-e become a real-life picture in my eyes. ='(
back to the topic, what i need is the quick connection to the internet, for searching literature, things, and translating. oh, and to connect with social networking sites, i won't lie to you.
what made my me more reluctant to ask is the fact that pa just sent my nokia n86 to be repaired and i heard from ma it costs a lot.
4. pan collar shirt or dress (or some other retro-style outfit).
actually, idk what it is called. i really love (i adore) the way tia, my campus friend, wear those retro-looking pattern and model shirt (not T-shirt, okay)! once i asked her where she bought one of those, she said she had the tailor made it for her. uh oh..
what i want is something like evita nuh wore in an occasion, but in black color and cotton material. talk about shirt, i've found quite a right one, but (damn my fatty body) it's too small for me, i've checked it (i always bring measure-tape in my pencil case). i will be very happy if somebody give me the 'enlightment' to find a store or two.
5. goth-loli dress
call me sick, call me anything you like, but this almost a whole life obsession stroke me again. it's because i was talked about cosplay with arif and indra, my new friends i met at AFA X event, last november. i want to buy from the online store arif showed me, but i think it will be more detail and nicely-cut if it makes by the dress maker made my 17th birthday dress. the price is quite reasonable there. ah, it's going to be tough, think about the little time i have this year?
6. white furniture and painting my rent-room with pictures
for the white furniture, what i need is a bucket of white paint, big brush, lots of newspapers, and person that want to help me. and not to forget TIME.
for the second one, i still don't know which way to do it best..if i use oil paint, i'm not sure it will be okay. if i use permanent marker, i'm quite sure i can do it, but just think over it again, how many markers will i need? and permanent one? ahhh..i need to do some budgeting, seriously. and time, time, time.
2.46 am here and i must attend the skills lab at 9 am. considering i'm at home, it'll take more time to go there, means i must get up earlier too.
good...sleep! =3
lauretta.
last year i don't have one single request, so my parents decided to give me these 6 gold thin bracelets.
i know they're not that shiny expensive gold bracelets, they even get twisted easily (my ma, patiently, reshapes them again every once in weeks). but i appreciate them more than people can imagine. i couldn't stand to use any kind of hand accessories before, but i thought i need to wear them everytime. when i was having my practical test, i keep them in my pocket so i can feel my parents presents with me.
if you haven't know, i'm indonesian and i come from a family with chinese blood line, so no wonder we still celebrate chinese new year. as we all know, last week is the beginning of the new lunar year, it's rabbit year. idk in other places, but i almost sure that chinese new year has been strongly related to the red envelope, the angpao or hongbao, especially for us, the singles. this year, mine's sum is going down, worst than last year. i know it musn't be a big deal, but this year i depend on them to help me in my fast-growing wish list.
so here we go, my wish list (not in order):
1. fujifilm instax
i was browsing in an online store in facebook, fuji usa web, and photography bay.
instax is polaroid camera. the available types are 210 wide, 50 s, 25, and the popular 7s. i have cut down the choices. i won't buy 210 wide, i think, since it's big and quite heavy (consider that it makes the wider pics). i was attracted to the 50s firstly, but after that i saw the special edition 7s in white color! it's cute too. andddd...it hasn't ended yet! i read the 25 review, they said this type is the newest and, indirectly, indicate that it's the most well-developed right now. oh, and one thing, i thought it's the polaroid film that will cost me a lot, i was wrong. the camera is expensive too. special edition 7s package (include 1 strap, 2 frame, 1 sticker, and wood clip) is Rp 1, 050, 000. 00 and the. 25 package is sold at Rp 1, 500, 000.00.
dare i to buy the instax? i'm so afraid this is just my euphoric-state that won't last longer (i get bored easily, note that).
2. canon selphy photo printer
yes, it's again about pics and photos. nowadays, everything goes online, right? and me too, got lazy just to go to print my pics in store. i'm thinking of having my own photo printer, but..........i'm afraid that i'll get bored after a while (i don't believe in gadget-appetite, it can't last long, special case is my canon ixus digicam--she is the only exception for me). CP 780 and CP 790 are the types i'm interested in. i read the review and i think it will be better to buy CP 790. saying that say 'there's a price, there's quality' is true, my dear, i looked for their price and they have big difference, for about 500 thousands. unfortunately, it's the one i want that has the higher price.
3. apple i-phone
and NERV casing (i wish! lol).
this one i can't buy myself for sure. it's too, too, too expensive!!! i'm craving for this one, but i dare not to say it to pa. well, i've ever mentioned about the gadget, of course, but i didn't want to ask him to buy me. to give you the reason i want this one is that..i need to be more connected without being annoyed. BlackBerry is clearly not in my list, it's the thing that i hate, sorry to say, i got offended by the behavior of people using it. the way they bbm-ing all over the time and neglect their real world. it's just sad to see the picture that has been depicted in wall-e become a real-life picture in my eyes. ='(
back to the topic, what i need is the quick connection to the internet, for searching literature, things, and translating. oh, and to connect with social networking sites, i won't lie to you.
what made my me more reluctant to ask is the fact that pa just sent my nokia n86 to be repaired and i heard from ma it costs a lot.
4. pan collar shirt or dress (or some other retro-style outfit).
actually, idk what it is called. i really love (i adore) the way tia, my campus friend, wear those retro-looking pattern and model shirt (not T-shirt, okay)! once i asked her where she bought one of those, she said she had the tailor made it for her. uh oh..
what i want is something like evita nuh wore in an occasion, but in black color and cotton material. talk about shirt, i've found quite a right one, but (damn my fatty body) it's too small for me, i've checked it (i always bring measure-tape in my pencil case). i will be very happy if somebody give me the 'enlightment' to find a store or two.
5. goth-loli dress
call me sick, call me anything you like, but this almost a whole life obsession stroke me again. it's because i was talked about cosplay with arif and indra, my new friends i met at AFA X event, last november. i want to buy from the online store arif showed me, but i think it will be more detail and nicely-cut if it makes by the dress maker made my 17th birthday dress. the price is quite reasonable there. ah, it's going to be tough, think about the little time i have this year?
6. white furniture and painting my rent-room with pictures
for the white furniture, what i need is a bucket of white paint, big brush, lots of newspapers, and person that want to help me. and not to forget TIME.
for the second one, i still don't know which way to do it best..if i use oil paint, i'm not sure it will be okay. if i use permanent marker, i'm quite sure i can do it, but just think over it again, how many markers will i need? and permanent one? ahhh..i need to do some budgeting, seriously. and time, time, time.
2.46 am here and i must attend the skills lab at 9 am. considering i'm at home, it'll take more time to go there, means i must get up earlier too.
good...sleep! =3
lauretta.
Monday, February 7, 2011
entrée
hello all.
wanna introduce myself first, even if there's no one ever read this blog.
this is my project blog: 1221.
1221 stands for 1 month 2 (to) 21. means that i'm about to make not more than 30 posts until my birthday on march, 6th, when i'm going to be 21 years old. i had this idea in my mind not so long ago and i was having holiday (so i was off from my laptop/ pc activities), so it's already one day late from the schedule.
the idea came from watching julie & julia, where julie wanted to make all the recipes in julia's book in 1 year and it's been her personal project since then. honestly, i think i can't make something that huge. i'm not so good in time management and recently i have several things that need my attention. i was planning to make 30 videos of me doing story telling instead of cooking, but it's already one day late from the starting time and like i said before i'm not sure i have enough time, but we'll see..i'll try my best to fill my last month being 20.
it's been a long time since i wrote in my personal blog (it's here, i'm writing in bahasa indonesia) and now i have tumblr, the microblog. i must admit it feels hard to start all over again, but i don't want my 21st birthday pass away just like my other birthdays (not all of my birthdays, but..yeah you know what i mean). 21 means something big for me, i'll be legal, i will have to take my own responsibility. in other hand, i feel like i'm nothing until this day. i haven't done something that can wow the world, like i wanted to do in my childhood time. sometimes, it feels nice to be 'ordinary' people: grow up, going to school, going to favorite uni. sometimes, it feels bad, looking at success people that have been done something for the world, or at least made him/herself well known for their achievements.
again i say, i'll do my best to do something in this project blog.
finger-crossed.
lauretta.
wanna introduce myself first, even if there's no one ever read this blog.
this is my project blog: 1221.
1221 stands for 1 month 2 (to) 21. means that i'm about to make not more than 30 posts until my birthday on march, 6th, when i'm going to be 21 years old. i had this idea in my mind not so long ago and i was having holiday (so i was off from my laptop/ pc activities), so it's already one day late from the schedule.
the idea came from watching julie & julia, where julie wanted to make all the recipes in julia's book in 1 year and it's been her personal project since then. honestly, i think i can't make something that huge. i'm not so good in time management and recently i have several things that need my attention. i was planning to make 30 videos of me doing story telling instead of cooking, but it's already one day late from the starting time and like i said before i'm not sure i have enough time, but we'll see..i'll try my best to fill my last month being 20.
it's been a long time since i wrote in my personal blog (it's here, i'm writing in bahasa indonesia) and now i have tumblr, the microblog. i must admit it feels hard to start all over again, but i don't want my 21st birthday pass away just like my other birthdays (not all of my birthdays, but..yeah you know what i mean). 21 means something big for me, i'll be legal, i will have to take my own responsibility. in other hand, i feel like i'm nothing until this day. i haven't done something that can wow the world, like i wanted to do in my childhood time. sometimes, it feels nice to be 'ordinary' people: grow up, going to school, going to favorite uni. sometimes, it feels bad, looking at success people that have been done something for the world, or at least made him/herself well known for their achievements.
again i say, i'll do my best to do something in this project blog.
finger-crossed.
lauretta.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)